Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
