I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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