My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
