Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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