my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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