My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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