id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
