I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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