I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize