atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
