Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
