all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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