You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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