96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
