I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im holly from the hills drunk
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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