Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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