summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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