I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
