is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
