every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
