the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
