ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my being single is dangerous.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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