I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
