If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
