So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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