Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
