Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
