That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
