Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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