Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
