Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
