Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i've created a new STD.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
