Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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