She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
