I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
