So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
