i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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