I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
