She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
