Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
