i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
