sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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