I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
