I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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