too bad you live with your parents still
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
