just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
