This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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