mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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