Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
