I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize