so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
