So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
