so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
