Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
