He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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