I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
