So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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