So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have fence marks all over my body
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
