she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
