watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
