so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
