He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
