ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
