is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
