careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
