he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
