My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
