i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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