So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize