The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
