but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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