is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize