I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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