I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
