His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I stole a fireplace last night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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