i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
