Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
