I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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