I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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