you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
