talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
