just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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