There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
