not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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