On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
