You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
