Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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