thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
