I need to stop coming to work sober
bring money and cleavage
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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