What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
