U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
