You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize