I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
