I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
