....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Success! We fucked roommates!
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